MMXI

It's an hour into the last day of 2011, time for recap? Nope..well at least not completely. 2011 is definitely a year i will not forget in my life. Cliched? True enough. As I look back at the year I feel worn out and jaded but not defeated. This year has taught me of my shortcomings and ways to work about em, made realize that i should not misuse my strengths or take them for granted for the matter. It was a year of celebration and mourning. Celebrations of friendship, the endless possibilities of life and the arrogance of youth. It is also deeply marked with mourning of lost lives, unrequited love, regrets and the sample taste of reality which I try so hard to ignore.


' You're gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. Either that or the scented candle.'

And that is precisely what I want.

ps. not the scented candle,mind you!

plan.

a couple of friends of mine were talking the other day, on all the things they wanna achieve by their age of 30 or 40. they were all such grand, wonderful dreams...jet setting, fancy cars, beautiful homes *blissfully married with affairs*, a satisfying career & lots of money =)

that got me into thinking, do i have any long term goal, or plan of somesort...something that i need get done by a certain age...i have none =(. most of my girlfriends dream of marriage,weddings and family while the boys dream of the high life and they are all working towards it.

i know that i want to be happy and free. i wanna spend my days being satisfied with whatever i am doing. i could hardly ever say, i want to be a successful, caliber pharmacist because to be honest i am not sure. i gain satisfaction in helping people and i hope that this profession will allow me to do just that.

and all this thoughts got me wishing to complete final year without any hitch & my posting will be somewhere in East Malaysia. its impractical and very self absorbed maybe but its something that would be for the best at least for the time being.

why east malaysia?coz its FAR!! and it would be a new adventure with new people =) well..at least there's a plan for now =)

ps. i always have the urge to be knight in shining armor & to the one it matters, take my hand & i`ll make it all go away..i promise.

hapus aku

my mind constantly wanders off,at times unconsciously and at other times deliberately to escape the droning voices, mundane yet mechanical routines.

the recent and successively repeating muse is my skin turning into a canvas, a canvas to be inked or painted on with brush wet with paint.

one of the basis of pharmacology,the mind controls the senses..& if i let my mind run free, i could almost feel the brush strokes on my back & the chill when the liquid evaporates.

and something jolts me back to my surrounding, to the cage that i'm trying so hard to escape

ps.reality is a prison

*words i cant get out my mind,they are not mine yet feel so right at the moment*

kan vizhital...vennilavu

kai thiranthal...kathalergal

ragasiyam pesu..devathaigal

devathaigal..devathaigal....

yenthan kanavil...yethanai..yethanai...

yethanai nanavu...

yaarai ketpen?yaarai ketpen?

nallai sonnal yen guruve...

vanavil varayum vaanam

mazhaiyile naneyum thotham

thuli thuli kule thanimai kaanum

paravai piranthanal yen guruve...

*needs to be completed*

killer?fanatic?patriot?

Nathuram Godse was the man who assassinated Gandhi.

the link below provides nathuram's final address to the court.

heavy & thought provoking.

http://smileosmile.com/celebrities/why-i-killed-gandhi-nathuram-godses-final-address-to-the-court

another link on Nathuram

http://www.imrajeev.com/2009/01/why-godse-killed-gandhi/

me as viewed by her

this is done in courtesy of my baby girl sha..

monday : i'm not gonna call him till he calls me

tuesday : you know what, i think i shouldn't be hard on him....i'm just gonna let him be

wednesday : screw it, fuck it...i dont need him or nybody else. im perfectly good by myself..

thursday : i hate him!!

friday : i called him..he sounds really sad..i feel bad now...sighhhh

saturday : he talks to my brother...cant talk to me la...

sunday : some girl wrote on his wall again...handsome la, sexy la...grrrr!!

*loop & shuffle mode on*

ps.she also thinks am a stalker n he is a celebrity

love green.no puns intended =)

a night of no sleep would usually spell out some amount confusion but today was different =)

i guess it was due to the beautiful early morning darshan that i had of the sun...

what a sight it was..an orange ball of fire lighting up the horizon when the half of the sky was still dreamy with mist...

first stop was at the Amanjaya bus stop where Sha dropped me & i got on the city liner...i got off one stop away from the bank which resulted in a slightly longer walk but i wasn't complaining since it was still early morning n my path was shaded by trees. i knew i was far too early for the bank but i wanted to make sure what time does it open..since i had an hour to kill i decided to get some breakfast...the neighboring shop only starts operating at lunch hours but she said she'll get me a drink. while she was it, i was making funny faces at her little baby boy who was amused by me.

with my coffee in hand, i had an early morning phone call from melly who always makes my day =) i waited a little while longer for the bank to open...they were having a crazy morning coz the thunderstorm the previous night screwed their cables n the system was offline so i spend my tim winking at another baby boy *his mummy found me annoying though* but i still i got my issue sorted out & i have a new card now..yay!!

next stop was tesco..to get some goodies which i failed to find =( so i had head to village mall where i found some lovelies...hehehe ;) ps. ruscoe, faceshop & the lingerie section has sale for limited time only...;) im so tempted to go there make some more purchases since there's a really nice aunty who offered me to give me her discount card..yipppeee! =p

while i was waiting for the bus...i was honked at repeatedly =.=

this happens to almost every female who is by the curb or road walking or waiting...its sad really...

why do u honk??

why?to say that we're pretty?to say that u noticed us?honestly..under the blazing sun & heat do you really think we care?

i mean...if u want to show ur interest..be a man...come up to us & offer us ride. whether we accept or we dont is another matter all together...but stop being a leering,juvenile brat & try being a man...STOP HONKING!!

so nyway...the bus finally came after almost an hour later. i was relieved for the air conditioning & enclosed space *sans honking* =) reaching campus, i asked the bus driver to stop me nearer to the front gate he refused saying its against traffic rules but when i was about to pay he refused payment and said it was on him...awwwwwwwwwwww =D

thank you,bus driver uncle ;)

aimsters would know that from the campus main gate to the hostels it is quite a walk...so i was walking slowly and there could have been almost 10 cars who whooshed past me TOWARDS campus but none stopped..i almost gave up when the one of the female warden's offered me a ride on her bike!! =)

before reaching hostel, i saw a tired teary eyed junior & i gave him my chocolate ration of the day...i dont know what was his problem but at least he has some chocolates now =)

ps.

if anyone does ya a good deed,just pass it on & keep the circle going on =) i did mine & m a happy child =))

greener pastures?

the grass is always greener on the other side...

really?

well it always appears to be...its just our nature i guess to never be satisfied with who we are,what we have & the lives we live.

there's always a search for something better & in process we might miss out or deliberately leave aspects of our lives.. let it be objects, habits or even people. what do we get out this quest? some of us might have gotten lucky and live a better life which was what they wanted so good for them...how bout the others?the ones who regret their choices, the ones who wish they could make amends...

my question is, do we stay where we are now & regret not taking the step or do we make the change & face the consequences however dire they may be?

Some try to hand me money,
they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
but what else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?

the thing is..

i have seen a bumper sticker saying "how hard could it be to give us flowers & call us pretty"

it isnt...many have used this as their ammo to please not just their better halves,but also mum, friends and sisters...

the thing is...its not about whats given,its about whether its meant.

th one difference that i have noted with boys and girls is that girls give far too much thought on what to get for the boy,we talk to our friends weeks before,get the suggestions,weigh the pro's and con's of each on whether he will like it, whether its a fun or useful or memorabilia kind of gift..most of the time we'll try to make sure the gift has all the qualities required =p

the absolute mind boggling part is we actually get pleasure from doing all this...

on the other hand,all the dude does is...goes to a fancy shop and spots something with a (un)reasonable price tags,asks the girl at the cashier to pick out the wrapping paper and wrap it...

most of the time,we (girls) are absolutely overjoyed with the thought and the affection and not to mention the price tag the item carries...some of us may associate the price tag with the intensity of affection..

but on a couple of occasions i have noticed the detachment dudes have over them & that got me quite hurt and sad...

wonder if its just me...oh well...nevermind..

my shiny gold phone

an entire month without an entry...

i didnt not expect my entry to be an emo after the previous one..but here it is...=(

sighhhhhhhhhh....

no no no....i didnt have an entirely crappy january...it was great for the matter...

bali was friggin awesome...had the time of my life..it was so good i wonder to myself if it ever can be recreated again...

classes started..the usual yada yada is goin on...the only extra thing currently is research which sucking most of our time despite it being only valued at 2 credit hours..grr! overall it aint too bad...

i was happy...very happy...even got meself a fancy new haircut which garnered far too much of attention..

too bad i cant put any pics of all this coz my phone is stolen...

my gold color,very shiny E72 was stolen in a mall which i went after attending a real cun wedding...

i am upset for many reasons for starters... i am (was) really fond of my phone...it took fabulous pics of me and my camwhoring friends =p i could surf the net on bed when i was at home...it was gift from mum *an expensive one* which obviously means she is going to be awfully upset with me...she knows by the way =(....it had much memories of brinda as baby to now a toddler =(

it had all my lil poems which i noted down when i had spurs of inspiration...it had my birthday texts... proclamations of love....mms's of ehem..ehem...sighhhhhh in short it was almost like time capsule cum diary cum gift so yeah it was really precious...

to the person who currently owns and uses it...well m sure u`ll take damn good care of it so that an asshole like urself will not flick it from u...

the awful part is...the thought of this person going through all the stuff which i called precious just now..sucks!worst still he can delete em all with just a click...

to chris..

baby...m really sorry if those shirtless pics of u get on the net =(

happy valentines,love