the blame game

lets play a game
shall give it a name
called blame
u wanted to defame
and i shall cause shame

it's so common,kan?we pick a nasty emotion, and find a reason to blame it on someone.
like 'he is the reason  i'm so miserable' ,
' she is the reason i'm broken beyond repair ',
' you're the reason i'm penniless' and its so tiresome to hear it,really.

i'm quite sure soon i might hear things like,
' i blame you for my constipation'
'why?'
'u dont like fruits, so i pun didnt eat any' =.=

why do our emotions and state of mind has to dependent on a another individual's actions and words? why are they responsible for something that we are suppose to have control over.

i understand no one can have full control of their feelings but certain amount restraints are necessary especially if it is involving negative feelings and other individuals. why do we subject other people to misery and gulit for our own mistakes, expectations and neurotransmitter chaos?
i think we always keep in mind, that no matter how close we are to someone..we should not take them for granted and think that they would put up with all our shit including our nasty blames towards them just coz they love us.

one of the things that made me think hard was a line a mom told her daughter ' people love you,aaliyah..they don't love you coz you're special but you're special because of their love' and that friends is one of truths we fail to realize. so again my question, why do we blame and hurt the people who love us? instigate their anger and causing them to move away?

what i wanna say is, one should stop blaming other people for the chaos in their lives and work on loving people who matter instead. done. and yes i am a self righteous ass.

demons

my early memories of them were the shadows underneath the crack of my bedroom door, the invisible hand which might suck you in when you go poo-poo, the moment you quicken your pace when you're walking back home in the evening refusing to look despite the nagging urge coz ur friends said 'jangan toleh belakang, malaikat akan hilang dan setan naik belakang'.

im no longer a child contrary to my parents' belief proven by my attention seeking gray and i still believe in demons. not just the ones which will suck ya in the sewage or climb on ur back but the ones within. call it fear, call it pride, might even be pessimism. turn a blind eye and ignore it all u want, but its going to be there..nagging at ya, setting out needless alarms, and speed breaks from the things and people you want or rightfully yours *not necessarily in that order*

it sucks i'll admit to that...but we all took our time to get over them, right?sometimes with a lil help from someone who cared enough to set us right but they have demons of their own,kan? so do we wait for help, seek for help, help ourselves, or just do nothing as in most times?
i have decided to ignore gandhi, and wage war...against inner demons..wish me luck =)
incomplete rambling?yes..my apologies. i will strive harder next time =p

ziggy lights

its close to 3am *regardless of what the time my blog says i posted this*, the rain woke me up =)) its a thunderstorm outside and its lovely to watch the zig zag lights, to hear the comforting patter of rain and feel the cold wind...

i will miss this room and i shall excuse myself now to enjoy liquid love ;)

spent

he will be the death of me.

ps. this tone is mock serious and as much i cant believe i'm saying it, i will not have it any other way.

pps.i changed my mind, my laptop will be the death of me.

Dear Armageddon-End of the World-Kiamat,

If you are happening, please happen faster and be done with it. This global warming, heat wave thing is driving me against the wall.

Sincerely,
Yours truly.