Sunday, February 17, 2013

dum dum dum?

'Everyone is getting married'
 'How can they get married so young'
 'What are they thinking?' 
When we say these things, it sort of makes it sound that the people who are getting married are making a mistake and we are above it coz we are free, single, and have an absolutely exciting life and that is the way to live.

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids - and, actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice - and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it, now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we'd say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised to take her to the circus, and we were in the cab playing "I Spy" - I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamp-post - and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids. And the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders, and she said, "I spy a family." And I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home, and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice." 
Harry: And the kitchen floor? 
Sally: [sadly] Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.
~When Harry Met Sally

we are kidding ourselves, call yourself an exception but...i envy them. i envy those people who are getting married. i envy them for their optimism,  for their blissful life (even if it maybe short lived or not so idealistic), their bravery to take the plunge, their good fortune in finding someone to take it with them. I envy it all.

what is stopping us? the rationale reason is the right person or right time is not available, but more than the rationale reason, the irrational fear is what makes us crippled emotionally. distorts and skews our impression of us, people we love, love and marriage. 

anyone who is close to me, would have heard me bitching about my current dissatisfaction in life which is a direct consequence of me getting a job and moving to a new city. i am alone and lonely, i hate coming back to an empty messy room, i hate sleeping alone, i hate waking up alone, i barely have any conversations which are not work related, and the nasty parts of work overshadow the bits i love. basically, without me knowing i have been kissed by a Dementor. 

there has been countless times, when i unlocked the door, i hoped for a smiling face, kind word or a hug maybe but there was none coz well there is no one. a colleague of mine told me the only way she gets through the shitty days in work is because she has another life to go back to. a home, a husband, a family.

so i was thinking, why not get married? it will take away all the nasty feelings i have. i`ll have a home and person to come back to, there would be endorphin -oxytocin (happy hormones) releasing sex and the kissing and cuddling before, after and random times =) when work sucks or when i have a bad day, there is always someone i can go to and he would kiss me and make everything better or at least bearable.
so my reason of wanting to get married is, i need a companion, someone i can live with, talk to and have sex and that would somehow magically fix everything which is wrong in my life right now. 

if you care for me, please take a large heavy object and hit me..hard. coz honestly u cant do any more brain damage than what has already been done. as im writing this out, i'm acutely aware how skewed my thoughts are..a marriage wont fix everything. my knight in shining armor will not be able to whisk me away from it all even if he exists. my troubles and problems are my own. as much i hate to admit it, im stuck with em until i make something out of it or i die trying

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he turned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse. 
~Catch Me If You Can 

i think marriages are great and people who are getting married are really lucky coz there is another person who actually gives a shit about the shit you're going through. but if you had thoughts of wanting to be married because of the reasons i gave, please ask a friend to hit you hard on the head.