blues..

maybe am a closet massochist..no no..

not in a naughty way but a sad way...

i dont understand why sometimes i do things which i know would eventually irritate or annoy me...its in my hands to make the choice, since i have already made the decision to walk away & stay away..so why do i do it?

maybe because i have not forgiven n forgotten despite my claims of such actions...

maybe i need a constant reminder of her actions which would fuel me to strive harder in life (?)

but am i that kind of person...the kind of person who needs to prove myself to the world?

i tell the world am not...but am i?

i cant deny to myself that i have had active imaginations of us meeting & i am at position to be envied..

ahhh...my secret desire is now unveiled...

my wish to be envied by her who i have a distaste for

well..im just going to pray 'nasty me' stops showing its ugly head with the help of new year & presence of wonderful,positive friends like neenu and nunna in bali =)

*prays hard*